Real Talk: Relationships

What defines a healthy relationship?

Healthy relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Oftentimes, people think that it’s adoration,  love bombs, fun dates,  fancy vacations or instagram moments. When in reality most healthy relationships are defined by the small mundane things, sitting together in a book store reading, watching a movie, or just talking when a moment is hard. Holding space for each other when things are not going perfectly. When you are tired and overwhelmed and the person who loves you most sees you at your worst or standing beside you in moments of joy and celebration.  It is in these times you have put your trust in those relationships. Knowing that people who care about you hurt when you hurt. They worry when you worry and they know that you are struggling without you telling them but also knowing they can not read your mind.  Healthy relationships thrive in the quiet moments when you find the smallest reassuring brush of your hair back from your face as they dry the tears. The cup of tea that appears next to you on the desk while you are hurriedly trying to meet a deadline. It is holding space for each other and knowing you do not have to fill the silence with words. It is the laughter at an inside joke, a subtle shift in your posture indicating  to the other person you are happy, sad, nervous, or excited. Healthy relationships always have a solid foundation built on these basic things, trust, honesty and empathy. 

Healthy relationships take work. They are not always easy and they often push you outside of your comfort zone because that is where the growth happens. Finding a partner, friend, boss or someone else that listens when you speak, or holds space for you when you need to just talk something out with them. I heard someone say when someone was upset they would ask do you want a solution or just to vent?  This is an incredible way to frame the conversation,  it allows for input but also just allows you to speak about what is going on with you.  Healthy relationships allow you to have that freedom. 

Healthy relationships stress the importance of honesty even when it’s hard. Not feeling like going out, say it. Not feeling comfortable with a situation, say it. Concerned about finances say it. Relationships work best when both parties understand what’s at stake. A relationship takes open communication and sometimes it can be hard and frightening to tell the truth. If you want a relationship to work you have to be willing to disappoint people. You have to be willing to put yourself out there. 

Healthy relationships do not just have to be romantic. Friendships, situationships, family and work relationships all have to start from a place of trust, honesty, and open communication. Relationships go through countless stages and while they evolve and change as you mature, sometimes they can change so much that you are no longer able to maintain the relationships. Sometimes trust is broken, lies are told and communication breaks down and you have to decide, does this serve me in a way that is healthy? Working on the foundation of trust, respecting each parties boundaries and working on your healthy relationships will allow for you to potentially move forward together and other times saying goodbye to a relationship that is no longer healthy is the best course of action. Healthy relationships start with balance, healing our own trauma, setting realistic expectations, and kindness. No matter what type of relationship you are in, the most important thing is to trust/love yourself. Give yourself grace. Know that no one is perfect and all any of us can do is be better than we were the day before.  Sometimes a relationship is just your bridge to get you to what comes next. Whatever is next, is up to you.

~ JH, Guest Writer

Most commonly said traits of a healthy relationship:

Honest:

Open and truthful communication is crucial. Partners should be able to express themselves and trust each other. This foundation of honesty prevents misunderstandings and builds trust.

Respectful:

Treating each other with courtesy and valuing each other's feelings, opinions, and boundaries is essential. Respect means acknowledging each other's individuality and differences.

Supportive:

A healthy relationship provides a safe space for personal growth and encourages each other's goals and aspirations. Partners should be each other's cheerleaders, offering encouragement and assistance during challenging times.

Thoughts shared with us:

"I think a healthy relationship is one where you feel genuinely happy being yourself. There's trust, respect, and good communication, but also laughter, support, and that feeling of being safe and seen. You grow together, but you don't lose or need to change who you are."

~ 18 year old female

"To me, a healthy relationship is one where all parties are respected and trusted with open communication and free will. Loving. Perseverance. Commitment. These three words describe a healthy relationship to me because in order to have a successful and happy relationship you must be willing to love, get through any hardship or obstacle together, and be committed to each other for the greater good of your relationship and happiness."

~ 22 year old female

"Consistency, love and happiness."

~ 38 year old female

"Healthy relationship— trust, loyalty, and appreciation— relationship foundation is built on commitment and communication. If you trust each other and show each other love frequently plus prove to be consistently loyal it won't fail."

~ 17 year old male

“I’d have to say that a healthy relationship differs from person to person. Whether it’s a relationship with your friends or a partner/spouse. For me personally what makes me and my partner relationship healthy for us, is giving us time to talk about our day or our feelings. Whether it be to unload or rant about work, school, etc…allowing us to decompress but also be in touch with one another and get on the same level so to speak. Being heard and understood is super important. I feel that for us it has fostered a healthy relationship that continues to grow every day. At the end of the day your partner/spouse is the person that knows all of you, good and bad, yet they continue to stay with you.”

~ 24 year old male

"Trust, Commitment, Cognitive Empathy If you are going to have a long lasting healthy relationship you have to be real and know that the other person is going to still love your no matter what. You have to be able to share your life and be able to share it and grow with one another and trust that other person is going to reciprocate."

~ 53 year old male

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Please share with us, what you define a healthy relationship as. Your voice matters, and your experience helps us all grow.

With love,

POWHER.co